You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
