LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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