So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
