Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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