I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
