we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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