I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
