Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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