Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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