I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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