EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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