I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
