he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So apparently I’m into choking now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
