Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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