His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
