Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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