I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
