I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
