You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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