a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
