he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
