i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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