party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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