Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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