just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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