I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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