Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I deserve this hangover.
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