:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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