Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
