Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
