She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His nipple licking is glorious
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