Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
