Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
