the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
