So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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