You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
