What a fucking waste of an outfit
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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