need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
