You're so nebulous sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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