sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
