Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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