so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
