She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
