90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
