Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
