I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
