Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I puked a lego.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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