i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize