She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
