Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize