I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
