remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
