I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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