So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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