apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
