you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
