My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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