Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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