Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
