Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
