Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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