so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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