I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
