i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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