i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
