It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize